I wanted to stay awake for the sake of completing my finals for the last few days. I struggled hard to stay up most of the time, and felt terribly sleepy. As I tried to convince myself I should get some rest and continue with my assignments with a rested mind, I couldn’t get to rest at all. I was troubled by unending worries – insufficient time to complete everything perfectly. I managed to convince myself to quit being a “perfectionist”. I did it, by force.
Now, it’s not totally over but I can finally stop doing it. I should get some sleep but I can’t. I feel so tired, but somehow I find myself suffering from insomnia.
I need to clear my mind.
I miss “harmony” and “serenity”. Peace, at heart and mind.
I wish for a moment when I can sit still on a hillside, where I can actually see the sea, and the horizon. With trees shading around, I can just listen to birds and waves. I wish for a moment when I can just ponder and wonder, what’s happening beyond the horizon.
But everything seems so far…
It’s just a simple wish of mine, but it happens to be the hardest one to achieve.
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My thoughts didn’t stop there.
I know, towards someone, I had been cruel and never consider about their feelings. It wasn’t me giving no concern, but I’m just concern about me a bit more. I am finishing my college soon. Last time, I always tell myself to enjoy and treat my ownself well while I’m still young. I hoped for happening parties, especially for my birthday. It didn’t happen. I do not want to complain or cry over it anymore. Right now, I’m doing what I have always wanted to do. I do not have much time left for myself to enjoy life in such a way. Yes, people always say that you are the one who decides for your life and write your own story. But there’s the existence of responsibilities towards everything, especially your own life. I know I am doing crazy stuffs, being crazy and do things the way I have always wanted to. To experience the fun, and to live life the way I want to. Not again will I have the chance to do it after I have completed my studies. Life goes on.
You can be 18 once, but you will never turn 18 again when you’ve turn 19. Sometimes, some things can only be done at some age. You do not dye your hair pink when you’re at your 80′s, right? Yes, you can, but not without weird eyes and stares. And you don’t get to dance wildly with pink hair when you sit on a wheel chair.